September 25, 2008

in which shenaynay ends her sabbatical

q. shenaynay

The trouble with trying to blog again after a year of silence is that there's so very much that could be said.

Well, first I must warmly say to the small, loyal band of you who have continued to check this dormant hive regularly for any hopeful flickers of impending revival... to all who prayed for my family during my battle with breast cancer this past year... to all of you who have asked us not if but when we'd get back to blogging... to all who let us know that you missed us... well, bless your hearts, and thank you.

I always found delight in this happy little blog, and by all reports it would seem a good many others have, too.

But about this time last year I found I had no room left on the edges, no energy to spare for the noise of words; my thoughts were so fractured they refused paragraphs. It became clear that I needed to lay everything aside and go away for a while. I needed to be quiet.

But when you have to go away, it's a very sweet thing to be missed. It helps you heal. And as you heal, eventually the edges ease out, words begin to hum pleasantly again, paragraphs fumble their way back to you. So here I am trying to remember my password and mumbling a hopeful speculation to myself that maybe it's time to blow the dust off the Beehive.

For much of the year that's now behind us (praise the Lord), our life felt something like being inside a sloshing snowglobe. We didn't know if or when it would stop or where it was all going to land, and all we could do in the meantime was grab ahold of something solid, try not to get too dizzy or too banged up, and remain resolutely determined to find some beauty in a blasted, tumultuous blizzard that nobody had forecast.

We did get mighty banged up, I can't deny that. But then again we're still mining the beauty out of that blizzard, and I guess we always will be. God is good. I am still here, and I am well, and I am happier to be alive than you can probably imagine. How many ways has the Lord saved me? I am too small to know such things.

Many, many things besides this blog were put on the back burner during the months I've spent recovering from breast cancer. Everyone in our family pitched in as they could to try to fill the mama gap, but even so we sort of limped along, and in a busy household during such a challenging time many things are simply left undone. Which means that once I began to slowly step back onto the stage of my life (with only a fraction of my usual energy reserves), everyone and everything (and I do mean everything) around here was in need of deep attention.

And then... along came Fa's wedding! Need I say more? Well, yes, actually. But that deserves its very own post.

So I'm still not caught up, and you know what, I may never be. And for the most part, that's okay. I don't care as much about all the frittering details as I used to.

Still, when the lady of the house can't locate a paperclip/slotted spoon/crazy glue/can of beans/sharpie marker/needle/bandaid/andsoforth, stuff has to happen. And one thing leads to another, and another... that one closet you simply had to whip into submission will only serve to highlight the wretched state of every other closet in the house by fresh comparison, and there go your next five weekends. Heh, more like your next five months...

So even after my brain began to feel a bit bloggish again at odd moments, I resolved that I must not let myself fire the old Beehive up again until I had gotten the corners of my life tucked back in to some degree.

So are we there yet? Well, no. But life will go on one way or another, Lord willing. And it ought to be enjoyed, don't you think?

So hey nonny nonny and fiddle-dee-dee, here I am -- just look at me blogging!
(Hat tips to Shakespeare, Scarlett O'Hara and Roo, all in one sentence. Beat that, will ya?)

But I'm warning you, open my freezer door at your peril.


Keri said...

What a sweet happiness to end my night on. I am praising the Lord for your recovery - I have been praying for you!

Mama Squirrel said...

Hello to all the Beehive!

Unknown said...

O, Happy Day. I was tickled pink to see you pop up on my Bloglines. Now where are the wedding pictures!

No, really, I haven't been through what you have in the exact sense but I do understand how the whirlwind can leave you unable to put to words together.

I have been telling my mom, who had a brain aneurysm in April, she is going to have to wait until next April to assess her progress not try to do it on a daily basis.

Rebekah Sacran said...

I'm so happy you're here!

Other Mother said...

We HAVE missed you, and thankful your road to recovery is still moving forward. Welcome back to the blog world.

Leslie Noelani Laurio said...

Welcome back!

G.L.H. said...

Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

Delurking to say I'm glad that you are back. Delighted that Fa is married.

I don't think I will ever forget your daughter's stepping up to make Thanksgiving dinner. Cried tears of joy over that one.

Nor will I forget that you love hymns in the minor key.

And your family trip to Scotland was in my mind when my husband and I went their this spring.

Welcome back, my online acquaintance/friend.

Carol in Oregon

Anonymous said...

Went *there*.

Where did that glitch come from? (grin)

Dani said...

We are oh so happy to see that you have returned to the blogging world, you have been sorely missed! Glad to hear that life is beginning to get some symbolance of order back!

Tim said...

Glad to see you back!

Table of Stone said...

I will say again Yay! for being back. I've checked faithfully for a while just knowing that soon there would be a post at the Beehive again. Welcome back!

Katie said...

Great to have you back!

Begin where you are! You know, "Stand in the place where you live..." If you start telling us what is in you to share right now, all these other things that happened over the last year will eventually filter through into your paragraphs.

I know, pretty simplistic, but I have to give up on the things that overwhelm-- otherwise, I don't get the other things, the ones that are right in the forefront, taken care of.

(You are now scratching your head thinking, "That Katie.." I am trying to say something, I truly am, but it is Not Coming Out Right. And I love you all!!)

Donna-Jean Breckenridge said...

Happy sigh.

She's back.

The world is a little bit righter.

And one thought - you've entered a time just like when a baby is born, and it dawns on the parents: "This is the new normal." So very, very grateful to God that the New Normal includes YOU, here with us, and occasionally blogging again.

Happy sigh again....

Owl of the Desert said...

Woo hoo! So glad to see you back.

Lok said...

Yay! :-D

Kat said...

We are oh-so-very glad to see you back!
I have thought of you often this past year. My mama went through a similar battle with her health a few years ago, right after which I got married, so I know what sort of upheaval the two can bring and how the two together can seem huge! :) The Lord is faithful and we are better now for all of it and closer to Him and each other.
I will be praying for you as you continue to heal and get back into daily routines.

Jeanne said...

So very, very good to have you back again!

Amy Witt said...

THis morning as the cool wind blew from your part of Texas, I just knew changes were in the air and here you are, what a breath of fresh air.

Just know that we all have freezers and closets that would explode if they were opened by unsuspecting husbands or visitors.

Welcome back.

rachel tsunami said...


a *very* belated, but *very* happy YaY.

Purring Piggy said...

YEAH! So happy to see you blogging again! You have been in our prayers!

Anonymous said...

Good grief, could you have just sent a note or something? I checked this blog FOREVER, but not recently, 'cause I don't seem to have time to check any anymore.

YAY! You're back!