August 16, 2007

endings are beginnings

q. shenaynay

She just left. I mean, she actually did it. For real. Fa just got in her cute little car and buzzed off to college. So I guess it's true after all. She grew up.


Right before she left, she and Beatrice and Spuddy Buddy piled up in my bed with me and we all held hands and everybody took turns praying for her -- for all sorts of things for her, and thanking God for all sorts of things about her and about the fantastic years we've had learning together here at home, and also for all the blessings He has in store for her in the years to come.

It was our way of releasing the dove.

And then Beatrice and I pestered her silly about whether she had pencils and notebooks and lunch money and sunglasses and bottled water and a spare bandaid and her little purse Bible and sunscreen and her cellphone and gas in the tank and an umbrella (so there's not a cloud in the sky, but still)...

And then she was gone.

Now, okay, I know she'll be back around 5:30. I know this. But still, there are moments in life when you know you're standing on a hinge, and as soon as it swings open to the next thing, life will never again be quite like it was -- time yet again for re-invention of reality. This morning was a hinge moment for us.

Today, I am more glad than ever that we homeschooled Miss Fa. She walked out that door this morning with her feet planted solidly on God's earth, and her spirit rooted firmly in His Heaven. She knows what's what and why and how. I was given the gift of 18 years of my life to pour everything I had -- everything God gave me -- into her. I know I didn't do everything as well as I could have. Daily I think of some thing or some book I wish we still had time to cover... but the time is past, and we must be content with it. And what a gift that time was. And what better way did I have to spend those 18 years?

Hallelujah... and a big heavy sigh. For mothers, the two sometimes go hand in hand. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Endings are always beginnings... which reminds me of one of my favorite Fa poems.

Oh goodness, she didn't take a sweater and I bet those classrooms are freez..... okay, I'll stop.

No, I won't. Ever.


Other Mother said...

Wonderful poem! And congrats to you on the fine job of teaching/training/raising a fine young lady.

TheHeadGirl said...

Mothers are wonderful things. I cannot wait to hear how Fa finds her first few weeks of college.

(Sweaters are very useful things to have in a college classroom too!)

TheHeadGirl said...

** Mothers are wonderful PEOPLE, not things. I am so sleepy.

strem said...

I hope Fa will share some of her experiences from her first few days. Then, we can better know what to keep in our prayers for her.

Dani said...

I hope to hear from Fa soon. I'm excited for her to see how it goes. And happy for ya'll in the awesome blossom handling of the hinge moment!

Javamom said...

Maybe daughters are different...J is not so motivated to begin college, and may take a semester off before attending the local jr. college on our side of town. He hopes to have a better idea of photojournalism programs and political Theory/economics programs to which he can try to get scholarships as a transfer student. He may try for UD, like his father.

We of the Booksnkaffeehaus look forward to hearing about Fa's first days!

G.L.H. said...

"No, you won't. Ever."
No, we won't, will we? Does anybody tell us this the day our firstborn comes? And, if they did, did we believe them?

Love her poem, too. It's a keeper.

Owl of the Desert said...

I'm looking forward to hearing about Fa's first few days, too! It's an experience quite unlike any other.

Luci1 said...

"For God works together ALL things for good to those who are called according to His purpose."

Lovely post and lovely poem.

I have prayed for sufficient grace for your family during this time of many transitions.

Luci (a true virtual stranger, who enjoys the peek into your happy family)

HandmaidenforHim said...

I think my mom probably felt the same way as she and Dad left me at the dorm yesterday.

Donna-Jean Breckenridge said...

It is a very, very wise woman who even hears the sound of the hinge. It creaks open long before you expect it.

When Bethany went to college, it was just across the river to New York. She'd been independent, it was no big deal, I'd see her often, I was so fine with it. Til we drove away.

The sound of the hinge was deafening to me, and I sobbed on the way home as though my heart had been ripped from my chest. I never expected that. But when she got married last year, I knew only joy - because there IS life on the other side of the door.

I discovered that myself when I heard the hinge of my own life, on my 18th birthday (so very long ago now :-) I remember thinking as I got ready to go to college (just a few miiles from home), 'it's not going to be the same ever again.'

It wasn't - but it was a new wonderful. The relationship of grown daughter to mother is truly one of God's best gifts. I discovered that with my Mom, and that gave me courage to hear the hinge with my own daughter.

Thanks for this post - it was Vintage Queen Shenaynay.

Praying for Fa as she walks through the door - and for you both as you join hands anew on the other side, in your maturing relationship.

And you're right - you won't stop. Ever. And that's OK, too.