September 22, 2005

I'm not ready for Mr. Demille... or Rita... OR Channel 11

Queen Shenaynay

If the forecasters are to be believed, The Beehive finds itself in the path of hurricane Rita -- well up the path, but still, there it is, flickering at us from every TV screen in the county. This comes as something of a surprise. As urban inlanders, we have reckoned a great many things as potential dangers to our well-being, but a hurricane never crossed our minds.

So Great Scot and I had a staff meeting to create a preparedness plan, and very early this morning I set out posthaste to procure the goods. Purchased the last of the bottled water at our neighborhood grocery store, and headed over to Home Depot for... well, you'll see. Keep reading.

I had loaded up the big orange cart and was headed to the cash register when I was abruptly accosted by a microphone attached to an arm, beyond which flashed a pageant-ready set of pearly white teeth belonging to a very beautiful black woman in a luscious suit. Behind her was a man I would have mistaken for a Cowboy linebacker were it not for the massive camera perched on his shoulder, which he was swinging round to barrel down on my face.

Microphone Beauty cooed that she was with Channel 11 and wanted to interview me about storm preparation. Well, fine, huh, okay. Like I know a lot about prepping for a hurricane, but...

"Roll," she barked to the linebacker, then turned back to me and waxed all coo-ey again.

"So, you're preparing for the storm. Why did you decide to do that?"

She must be kidding, right? Instead of saying "because you people told us it was coming, hello?" I chose rather to coo something back about taking care of my children. A nice touch, I thought.

"And what are you doing to prepare?" she crooned while smiling from ear to ear and peering into my cart... "Plastic sheeting, I see -- what do you plan to use that for?"

Here's where it gets interesting.

Me: "Bookcases."

At this, she looked uncharacteristically tongue-tied for a reporter type.

Her: "Ahhh... bookcases."

Me: "Well... yes. We have a large family library, about 3000-4000 books, to which we're rather attached, and we don't want to take chances on the skylight getting smashed."

Made perfect sense to me. But she was clearly thrown off her game. I didn't think it was possible to shut up a reporter without a remote control, but hey, it can be done! She was visibly bumfuzzled. I believe I even saw a flicker of a furrow flash across her botoxed brow. She paused to regain her composure, mustered up her plastic smile once again, and said...

"Yes, yes. But what about... lawn furniture?"

Lawn furniture. She's worried about my lawn furniture. Which probably took about one hour to purchase -- no wait, even better, it was given to us. Free. Easily replaced. And she apparently thinks I'm a space alien because I'm taping a few tarps over a family library that has taken over 20 years (and many postal shipments from Great Britain and elsewhere) to assemble and could never be exactly duplicated.

Well, we've all got our priorities. But okay, sometimes we just play along.

So I proceeded to try to be normal and speak to the normal needs of the normal masses. I spoke responsibly about things like bottled water, peanut butter and flashlights. The pearly teeth flashed. She was so happy.

So. Channel 11. Get a load of that.

Then I got a good look at my reflection in my car windows. Ambleside Online t-shirt, no makeup... and bedsheet marks across my left cheek. All on Channel 11. And they asked me for my name.


fa-so-la-la said...

Looks like the good ol' Ambleside t-shirt is in for another appropriate showing on TV!

TheHeadGirl said...

It's getting a lot of face time, isn't it?

ha! I love how you flummoxed her with bookcases...but it's so depressing that she could only come up with lawn furniture as a more suitable substitute. :-P

Anonymous said...

To me books are far more important than lawn furniture. Especially free lawn furniture. :-)

Headmistress, zookeeper said...

So can we guess how she spends *her* free time?

Ha. I am sure you looked mahvolous, my deah, you always do. When may we have your autograph?

loren said...

I hope your family is unharmed by Hurricane Rita. The Lord be with you.

B. Durbin said...

Strangely enough, despite our extensive library, I'm not all that worried about our books. In the event of an emergency, it's people, cats, irreplaceable paper doll my nana drew me, and computer (with years of saleable art on it.)

Books? Well, we'll protect them as much as possible, but if they go away the hunt begins anew, signatures and all. And in our flood-prone city (not too bad), they mostly go up on the second floor.

Owl of the Desert said...

Ahh...people after my own heart. I would feel exactly the same way about my books, and I have no where near the collection ya'll do. I often dream, though... :-)

Gotta love the questions that reporters ask (eyes rolling). I got so frustrated watching the news during Hurricane Katrina and seeing the reporters ask the victims things like, "Do you need help?" (Did you seriously just ask that?)

And, as the Headmistress said, I'm sure you looked wonderful on tv.

I'll be praying for ya'll.

Mrs. Happy Housewife said...

Came here due to the Headmistress's link. I think you're very wise to save the books. Poor reporter. Did she cut out the book part of the interview?

coffeemamma said...

I was going to ask the same question! Did they air your interview, or did they choose someone who was worried about saving important things- like their plastic lawn ornaments? ;-)

Lynn Bruce said...

I have no idea if they aired any of it -- I can't seem to make myself watch TV for more than five minutes at a stretch!

And I really, really didn't want to see that sheet mark on my cheek on the big screen...

Randi said...

Batten down the hatches and save the books! I love it! I wish you and your family the best over the next couple of days!

PS Did you remember to get batteries for the flashlights because if the power goes out you will need them to read the books!

HandmaidenforHim said...

Hey sounds pretty interesting. I love books myself, but we don't have that big of a collection. I'd probably be doing the same thing. :P

ithchick said...

Very, very cool. And just to encourage you, you mothers usually look better than you give yourselves credit for. I have seen you with no makeup, and a t-shirt, and you still looked good.