November 13, 2006

I'll have one miserable comforter to go, please.

q. shenaynay

Confession: I could make a sport out of eavesdropping in restaurants. I mean, what a fascinating past-time for someone who, like me, finds the human race endlessly intriguing.

So there's this yuppified Chinese restaurant in our neighborhood with a take-out waiting area where there is always some prime eavesdropping to be had. Tonight there was the typical crowd of liposuctioned soccer moms and their obligatory entourages of two preschool rock stars each, and there was also a nice turnout of the Important People In Suits multitasking on their cellphones. And then, of course, me, the homeschool mom in jeans who obviously doesn't get out enough.

The flashy blonde gal in her late twenties waiting next to me was wearing an impressive exuberance of leopard print and fiddling obsessively with the bluetooth rig welded onto her right ear. After several minutes of listening intently to her caller, she suddenly let loose with her long-awaited offering of comforting counsel:

"You should have told me about this problem before now. I mean, this just happens to be something I know a whole lot about. I wrote a paper about it in college, you know. Really, I do know a lot about this. If you had only told me sooner, I could have helped you. But. Well." (heavy sigh)

Oh goodness, the human race is just dripping with irony.

When she hung up, it was all I could do not to turn to her and say, "My lands, woman, I just can't imagine why your friend there didn't confide in you sooner!"

But I didn't. Aren't you proud of me?

...maybe next time...


LaceyP said...

my word! last time i was in Memphis, it turned out to be a lot colder than it was when i left Crystal Springs. I went into T.J. Maxx to get some closed-toed shoes, and while i was waiting in line, this man behind me was talkin to his (i'm guessing) girlfriend. He was tellin her "now, I never nag you do I?! I didn't think so! Well, I've got the divorce papers ready and whenever she signs them then we're ready to go!"

I was shocked. I wanted to turn around and hit that man with my (soon to be anyway) new baby blue shoes! The man wasn't even divorced yet!

I'm sure this happens every day, but I live in a bubble, so there.

Dani said...

Hispanics are funnier when they think you don't speak any Spanish, because they don't watch the volume at all. I have two friends who are Spanish majors, who have alot of fun with this sort of thing.

However, we have not often been so meek as not to give them a retort in passing. :)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your restraint...

Donna-Jean Breckenridge said...

You crack me up. If they only knew the Queen was listening in :-)

I was in one of our NJ diners and overheard a man telling his wife/girlfriend/dinner companion that it was over between them. Pretty awful stuff!

On a lighter note, when my husband and I were dating, he took me to Washington Capitals hockey games. Third row. Impressive, right?

He turned to me and asked what I thought about that last play? I whispered, "Wellll, I don't know what you mean...but you see that 'couple' in front of us? the guy with the leather jacket and gold chains? They are NOT married, I think that's his mistress, and you won't believe what he just said to her..."

I don't recall we went to too many hockey games after that. :-)

elliebird said...

I was with some of my friends and we were sitting at a really nice lodge in Arkansas on top of Mount Magazine. There were 3 couples sitting at the table right behind us.
They seemed to be having a nice evening and all of a sudden one of the men (wearing a horrible large striped orange and beige sweater) turns to the woman at his right (wearing a very cute modish suit dress) and says very seriously, "Ok. So, back to business. Have you decided whether you'll marry me or not? You've kept me waiting a long time and I really need to know so that I can finish this business transaction."