July 18, 2005

What IS the world coming to?


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- "Do not use while sleeping."
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be....?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But it's just a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Well... duh, a bit late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(And you thought...?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."

American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(What an idea!)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)


Anonymous said...

Maybe the manufacturers of these goods have taken to heart the words of the ever-popular bumper sticker: "Losing faith in humanity one idiot at a time." :-)

Anonymous said...

I wonder how we ever survived before there was such an open-ended legal system that allows you to sue for basically anything you can figure out that hasn't been sued for before. I suppose we had lips that weren't susceptible to pickle burns and laps accustomed to coffee burns( because we rode horses, y'all ). Once upon a time, I myself me considered slipping on the neighbor's side walk while it was ice encrusted, but then I realized that commas are merely upside down apostrophes and that I wouldn't win any money.

Headmistress, zookeeper said...

Dare the DeputyHeadmistress confess that she has, in fact, ironed the clothes in which she was clad? Yes, she does. It does save time, and it works just fine for swirly skirts where only the bottom of the skirt needs a touch up because it got hung up funny in the closet. Of course, I was much, much younger then. I think it was when I was still invincible.

Anonymous said...

Like, back before that Great Fall of Man which introduced pain? ;-) Yes... I remember. I used to pour boiling water down my back to "refresh" myself and it would cook the oatmeal packets in my back pockets. ;-) Ah, those were the days... :D

Unknown said...

Good stuff.

Another thing to think about.
You have a hot water heater in your house. But why would you need to heat hot water?

And I leave you with that.