Here are some bloopers from church newsletters and bulletins, which I have copied from Richard Lederer's book Anguished English. Sit down before you read these. :-)
--For those of you that have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--The Rev. Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
--This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the on the altar.
--During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
--Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
--Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
--Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All."
--Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
--22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Martha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
--Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett.
Hymn 47: "Hark! an aweful voice is sounding!"
--Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
--Today's Sermon:
How much can a man drink?
Followed by hymns from a full choir.
-- A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
--On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:
GOD IS GOOD
Dr. Hargreaves is better.
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6 comments:
I've heard those a million times!,
no offense!
Dear i-princess,
Perhaps others have not.
Mess o'greens, have you deduced who this mysterious princess is?
who else could the princess be but a red-haired Irishwomen who prefers the drop of Scot blood in her veins? Sorry for the impertinance.
I would have been shield-maiden, but you-know-who stole it.
I've heard them a million times too, but they're still funny. How about this one (from an old comedy record my mom has somewhere): Pr-r-ray for all those who are sick in the bulletin.
And I can't remember if you included the one, something about services this afternoon at both the south and north sides of the church; babies will be baptized at both ends. :-)
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