January 10, 2007

jeremy vs. matthew

q. shenaynay

Judging from the fact that the overwhelming majority of those of you who took Beatrice's quiz picked Jeremy Northram as the current celebrity she would most like to go out with for ice cream and a stroll in the park, I think it best that we all take a moment to set the Beehive world back on its axis.

Now, don't get us wrong: Jeremy Northram is one handsome man. He makes a fantastic Mr. Knightley in Emma, even if Gwyneth was too tall for him. (Amazing how much bigger and taller and hunkier he looks in The Winslow Boy, without the towering Paltrow hanging around.) But enough about him. I mean, hello, he's English. Not that there's anything wrong with that... but good heavens, y'all, look at the competition Beatrice offered him.

People. Think.

Matthew McConaughey.

Let's consider this fine specimen.
First: He's A Texan.
Second: He's Scottish.
Third: He's... well, yeah. All that.

I could stop right there, but I don't feel like it. He has Those Blue Eyes. And he has Those Dimples. And he talks with That Drawl that could melt butter and buckle our knees.

He saves young damsels from certain death. Twice in one movie, in fact (The Wedding Planner). He storms across howling deserts. He coaches Texas football. Arhhhh.

Northram... wears tweed suits well, and yeah, he knows how to take tea and do a nice bit of archery on the south lawn. But baby, he ain't no blue-eyed blond southern Scottish boy with dimples and a lazy drawl. Beatrice is smart, and Beatrice knows what she likes.

Beatrice dreams that McConaughey will soon appear in a movie wearing a kilt and beat up cowboy boots and driving an old faded turquoise pickup truck with one spinner. Then she will no longer have a need for three of those four " I need a happiness fix" movies she mentioned in her quiz (she'll hang onto The Wedding Planner, thankyouverymuch).

In fact, she might not need much of anything for awhile after that.

Oh, yeah.


Anonymous said...

LOL!!! Preach it sister!!! I have to agree with you, and thank you VERY much for the lovely chuckle you just gave me. Extra cute points for you!

Anonymous said...

I would definitely have to say that it is a matter of opinion.

Matthew McConaughey is great if you like the blonde, southern hunk.
Jeremy *Northam* is great if you like the tall, dark, handsome stranger type.

(personally, i like the latter type better. :)

Anonymous said...

i like both.

but....i have to agree with miss beatrice.

good taste. yes.

Anonymous said...

dustin diamond (screech) from "saved by the bell" is also way up there on the list...

it's the hair.

Anonymous said...

Blogger just ate my comment! HMPH! Have you seen Failure to Launch? I wasn't expecting much from the movie, but was quite pleasantly surprised. Sarah Jessica Parker looked like she shriveled up and died about a month before shooting, but Matthew was, ah... glorious. Charming, handsome, that genuine Southern drawl. If you haven't seen it, RENT THE MOVIE!

HHomeboy said...

So all i need to change is my german/american indian heratiage? and pick out a nice tartan (thats the pattern right?)?

ive got to work on the drawl though. Any pointers would be appretiated.

Anonymous said...

I do declare! I think I need some lemonade. (Is it warm in here?!?)

Thanks for the distraction. Oh... and if Mr. Matthew is letting anyone else take turns, I'd also be glad more than willing to go on a little jaunt with him.

Anonymous said...

I like the dark and handsome type best too, but we are talking about Matthew McConaughey hear, is there anything more attractive than a Texas accent and a Scots or Irish (my perferance) background? I just want to know if he can sing. Because then he would be completely irresistable. haha.