jeremy vs. matthew

q. shenaynay

Judging from the fact that the overwhelming majority of those of you who took Beatrice's quiz picked Jeremy Northram as the current celebrity she would most like to go out with for ice cream and a stroll in the park, I think it best that we all take a moment to set the Beehive world back on its axis.

Now, don't get us wrong: Jeremy Northram is one handsome man. He makes a fantastic Mr. Knightley in Emma, even if Gwyneth was too tall for him. (Amazing how much bigger and taller and hunkier he looks in The Winslow Boy, without the towering Paltrow hanging around.) But enough about him. I mean, hello, he's English. Not that there's anything wrong with that... but good heavens, y'all, look at the competition Beatrice offered him.

People. Think.

Matthew McConaughey.

Let's consider this fine specimen.
First: He's A Texan.
Second: He's Scottish.
Third: He's... well, yeah. All that.

I could stop right there, but I don't feel like it. He has Those Blue Eyes. And he has Those Dimples. And he talks with That Drawl that could melt butter and buckle our knees.

He saves young damsels from certain death. Twice in one movie, in fact (The Wedding Planner). He storms across howling deserts. He coaches Texas football. Arhhhh.

Northram... wears tweed suits well, and yeah, he knows how to take tea and do a nice bit of archery on the south lawn. But baby, he ain't no blue-eyed blond southern Scottish boy with dimples and a lazy drawl. Beatrice is smart, and Beatrice knows what she likes.

Beatrice dreams that McConaughey will soon appear in a movie wearing a kilt and beat up cowboy boots and driving an old faded turquoise pickup truck with one spinner. Then she will no longer have a need for three of those four " I need a happiness fix" movies she mentioned in her quiz (she'll hang onto The Wedding Planner, thankyouverymuch).

In fact, she might not need much of anything for awhile after that.

Oh, yeah.